i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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