THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
