he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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