Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
