i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize