Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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