i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The adults are the big ones right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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