he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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