I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
