THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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