They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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