Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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