just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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