i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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