All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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