his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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