Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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