She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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