how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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