Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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