she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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