Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
