Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he was CRYING into my vagina
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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