Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
