You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
