i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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