I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
