Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
