I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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