My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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