I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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