tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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