I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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