Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
