I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
