i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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