tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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