Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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