My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
