why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
