How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
