True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The uberlube is also flammable
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
