erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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