The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
