So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
