i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
