the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
