woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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