pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
