at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
