i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
