Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
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Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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