this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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