i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
