I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Shame is for Republicans.
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