He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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