my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
