so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just cut my nipple shaving
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
