Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
