put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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