I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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