Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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