Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
