My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
