So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
