im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
